I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
In America we eat man semen.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
