this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
