so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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