Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
