I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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