Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
