Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
