Your tits are I can't wait for
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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