just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
