dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
