Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
