I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
