Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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