Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
