Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
