are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
