how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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