Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
