and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
