Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
