this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
