I cockslap morals
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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