woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
