he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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