stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
