i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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