Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
