If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize