i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
