I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
