this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
