My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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