My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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