Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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