I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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