This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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