yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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