I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
