after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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