Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
