WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
