you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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