party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just threw up on my dentist
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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