Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
