I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We have started to decorate penises.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
