Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
