Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just pee around me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
