never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
