Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
