that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
