I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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