Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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