Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
