I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
