Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
