you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
