They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize