So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
