i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
