he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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