and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
