my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
