apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize