Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
