I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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