so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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