Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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