is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
