he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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