As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
