Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
