then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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