and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
