i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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