try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
