So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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