the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
