Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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