Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
