8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Couch. On fire.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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