He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
