tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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