He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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