How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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