my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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