I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I could fuck to npr.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
