omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize