Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
