i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
