my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We need a shit load of segways right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
