Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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