Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
