I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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