That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
last night I used snow as a chaser
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
