If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
