I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
