Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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