A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize