I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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