when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize