you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
pray to the hookup gods
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