I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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