just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
