my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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