I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
