Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize